


Mediator Is Not A Real Job

by bluemandycat



Category: Renegade X Series - Chelsea M. Campbell
Genre: M/M, honestly just 1000 words of damien trolling mason, riley/damien is not a huge part of this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 12:56:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8845927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemandycat/pseuds/bluemandycat
Summary: Damien is arrested. His least favorite mediator is there to counsel him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I think that Mason would be a pretty good court-appointed mediator for Damien. If only so I could see them arguing more.
> 
> Enjoy!

            Mason tuts at me over glasses that are rapidly slipping down his nose. “Damien, you got arrested again?”

 

            Obviously, he is unaware of the armed guards that brought me in to talk to him, or the handcuffs that prevent me from leaving. “No, Mason,” I say. “I’m just in here talking to you because I love you. In fact, why don’t I have your babies?”

 

            Mason buys it for about half a second, and then his mouth closes into a firm line. “Very funny, Damien. You said that so sincerely, too. Like you aren’t biologically incapable of carrying children.”

 

            I want to put my hand up against my brow, except I’m cuffed. I settle for raising my eyebrows in mute shock. “Oh no, I’ve been found out by the great Mason Zeiss!” I say, deadpan. “Now that he knows I can’t carry his golden hero children, I guess my only recourse is to kill myself. Woe is me, woe is me.”

 

            Mason taps his clipboard with his pen, his endless patience with me obviously depleted. “We both know why you’re here, Damien.”

 

            “Enlighten me,” I say.

 

            “It’s because you’re reckless and you don’t take other people’s feelings into account and because you’re a _villain_ ,” he says tensely.

 

            “Aw, is that all you got?” I say with a smile. “Why not mix it up, throw some homophobia in with that letterism? A snide ‘I wouldn’t advise your lifestyle’ comment, or something like that. At least be creative with your prejudice.”

 

            Mason, to his credit, rolls his eyes at that rather than ignoring me outright. “So, the question is, X, what can I do to help you with this?”

 

            “Get out of my life?” I suggest. “Stop dragging me in to talk to you whenever I get arrested? Better yet, maybe don’t use that nickname?” There are exactly three people who have called me X before, and only one of them is technically allowed to. And even then, I hated that he did it at first.

 

            “I meant with the villainy problem. You _are_ a good person, Damien. I just wish you could see that.” Mason purses his lips.

 

            I lean back in my chair. “I see what this is about. You’re mad that I stole your best friend from you.”

 

            Mason flushes. “Riley made his own choices regarding you. Just because I don’t agree with him regarding your emotional safety, doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends.”

 

            “And that’s why Riley has stopped answering your calls,” I say.

 

            “Shut up, Damien,” Mason mutters, avoiding eye contact.

 

            I cock an eyebrow at him. “That’s unprofessional, Mason. Telling your specially assigned inmate to shut up? You could lose your job over that.”

 

            “They wouldn’t fire me. I’m the only one with the patience to handle you,” he says, even though he looks almost frightened at the possibility of losing his precious court-appointed mediator job.

 

            “Really? You have enough patience to handle me?” I ask.

 

            “Unbelievably, I’m an eternal well of patience. Even when it comes to you, Damien,” Mason says, writing something on his clipboard.

 

            “It doesn’t bother you, then, that I’m making out with your ex-best friend?” I say, through half-lidded eyes. Mason chokes. He scribbles something on his clipboard, and I lean into his personal space to read it upside down.

 

            “Cheater? That’s not very fair, Mason. I’ve never cheated on anyone. I know how much it sucks to get cheated on.”

 

            Mason presses his clipboard up to his chest and recoils back into his chair, looking guilty and angry and scared all at once. “You’re dating Kat,” he snaps. “Last time I checked, if you’re ‘making out’ outside your relationship, that counts as cheating.”

 

            “I broke up with Kat _ages_ ago, dude. Where have you been? Out of my life, like I asked you to be?” I say.

 

            “So now you’re making out with Riley. And are you sure that is healthy for his…prospects?” Mason says.

 

            “Well, first of all, it’s a little more than making out,” I say, rolling my eyes.

 

            “Ew!” Mason says, bringing his long skinny legs up off the floor and to his chest.

 

            “Not like that, idiot.” I grin. “Okay, so like that, too, but also I like to think that we’re a more serious than that. If I’m gonna be a trophy husband, then I need to be _classy_ about my relationships.”

 

            “I’d just watch it, Damien. You wouldn’t want to jeopardize Riley’s chances of getting into the League with your…parentage.” And there he goes, being letterist again. Little does he know that Riley doesn’t even want to join the League. Because of me. Score one for Damien.

 

            “Be honest, Mason, how jealous are you of the fact that I’m making out with Riley instead of you? Or that Riley is making out with me instead of you? It’s one of the two, I can feel it. I’m getting a general vibe of jealousy here, but I’m not sure who you’re attracted to here.” I bat my eyes at him. “Is it me?”

 

            Mason scowls, exposing a tiny gap between his front two teeth. The gap in his teeth almost doesn’t fit his face. It’s actually kind of adorable, which is weird, because he’s such an annoying person overall. If Mason was a normal annoying person, I wouldn’t expect any part of him to be cute. Unfortunately, Mason keeps finding new ways to torment me every time we meet.

 

            Mason opens his mouth, and looks very much like he wants to jump across the table and kill me, when the door opens. The sheriff takes in the whole scene—me lounged back in my handcuffs, and Mason huddled with his knees up to his face and his clipboard against his chest, like he’s a scared cat. The sheriff clears his throat.

 

            “Mr. Locke’s father is here to collect him. I’m here to escort him out.”

 

            Mason nods, and he’s clearly not done, but he’s also unwilling to go against the orders of his boss. The sheriff grabs my arm (the one that keeps getting hurt) and jerks me to my feet.

 

            “No need to be rough, Sheriff. That’s my boyfriend’s job,” I say. The sheriff ignores me. I’ve been here too many times, he’s used to me by now. I should start getting arrested at a different jail.

 

            Then again, that would deny me the _privilege_ of having these meetings with Mason. And where would I be without his mediator skills?

 

            The sheriff guides me out, and I mentally prepare myself for the lecture I’m about to get from Gordon.

 

            “Bye, Damien!” Mason says, in a forcefully cheerful voice. “I’ll see you at school!”

 

            I turn around and blow him a kiss. “Bye, Mason. I’ll be sure to think of you tonight with Riley.”

 

            Unfortunately, I don’t get to see his shocked face before the door closes.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos/Comments/Messages to bluemandycat on tumblr always appreciated!


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